Mediation - A Better Way for All Couples

By Ehsan Ali and Alnoor Maherali

All couples fight. Straight couples, same-sex couples, polyamorus couples, and those in binuclear families. Some of us were very aware of this growing up and later on in our own relationships. And some of us learn this over time. Though there may be a honeymoon period at the start of each relationship, that always passes. And then disagreements start and sometimes escalate. This is all completely normal.

This should not be surprising. Everyone enters a relationship with their own needs, coming from different families, with different personalities, unique love languages and varying conflict styles. It sounds like a recipe for disaster. Yet couples all over the world make it work. Other couples don’t and that’s ok too.

What is surprising is that a better way exists than just muddling through but few take advantage of it. That better way is mediation. For couples making important decisions in their relationship, be it thinking about getting married, working through issues to achieve greater harmony, or if they have decided to end their relationship and even get divorced, mediation can help. Here are a few examples:

1. Prenup Agreement

Though the ‘prenup discussion’ can be awkward, mediation can make the process easier. When a couple works with a mediator like Venn Mediation, we start by seeking to understand what is important to each person. And then we help them to draft an agreement they can understand that includes those issues. Because of this flexibility, the prenuptial agreement can be long or short, depending on each person’s priorities. And this discussion can actually strengthen a relationship. It encourages the couple to discuss important cohabitation matters that they will have to deal with once they’re married. And it does so in a safe and productive space. The result is that the couple is in control of their future, financial uncertainty is reduced, and the playing field is more level. All with the added bonus of improving communication.

2. Couples Mediation

Couples Mediation, also known as Marital Mediation, is a collaborative process that helps a couple (married or not) to work together to resolve any disagreements. The role of the mediator is to help each person to identify the issues that are bothering them and to communicate them to their partner in a way that their partner can understand. This empowers the couple to find their own solutions and develops problem solving skills for future disputes. With 39% of marriages in the US ending in divorce, and the average cost of separating around $15,000, seeing a couples mediator helps couples to proactively resolve problems before things get worse.

3. Divorce Mediation

Some couples give it their best effort but the relationship or marriage just doesn’t work out. Sometimes in these situations, separation can be the best path forward.  Divorce mediation allows couples to define the terms of their separation amicably and affordably and provides an opportunity to end the relationship with less toxicity. Another key strength of mediation is where - even if the parties don’t want one - there will be a post-separation relationship. For example, where children are involved and there will be some co-parenting. When a couple can’t avoid seeing each other after the separation, mediation by its collaborative nature, can help minimize animosity. And it can save a huge amount of time, money and heartache. 

Mediation can help at any point in a couple’s journey, even if that journey is ending. It improves communication, prevents small issues from becoming big problems, and helps to generate new perspectives or options. If you or a couple you know is struggling, contact Venn Mediation. We are based in New York but are very experienced in online mediation and can work with people anywhere. We offer a free 30-minute consultation to walk you through the process and help figure out what is right for you. Mediation is a cheaper and more collaborative process that can make difficult conversations easier. We would love to help.

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