Couples Mediation - Working it Out Instead of Getting Out

By Ehsan Ali and Alnoor Maherali

Relationships can be difficult. We’re talking about two people, who have spent their entire lives apart, trying to build one life together. Each and every day, they have to communicate, cooperate, negotiate, and navigate that journey. Add kids to the mix and things can be even more complicated. And while there can be similarities that bring two people together, there can be so many other things that they don’t agree on. This can include finances, tidyness, household responsibilities, their sex life, whether or not have children, how much time to spend with each other’s families, and how to ensure each person feels loved in the relationship.

Couple’s conflicts can also be complicated because issues are rarely viewed in isolation. A pair of socks left beside the hamper might go unmentioned the first seven times. But on that eighth time it can erupt into a serious argument. Meanwhile one person is left wondering why their partner is so upset. Or an outgoing and friendly person who values their work friendships may be with a person who was cheated on in a past relationship; who is worried that their partner is getting too close to ‘Jordan from work’. These are a few of the many reasons that couples get into arguments. And sometimes the reasons behind those arguments are unclear and do not always get resolved. Which means that fights can get bigger and bigger until the relationship breaks down. 

When this happens, couples have three main options: 1) they can do nothing and hope the situation improves; 2) they can decide that the relationship is no longer working and break-up; or 3) they can try to deal with the problems they have. Doing nothing rarely works and sometimes relationships are better off ending. But for those couples who are having problems but want to stay together and work things out, it can be difficult to find a way forward on their own. This is where mediation can help. Couples Mediation is a collaborative process that helps a couple to work together to resolve their differences. The role of the mediator is to help each person to identify the issues that are bothering them and to communicate them to their partner in a way that their partner can understand. This allows them to deal with the problem(s) and to start thinking about solutions.

Couples mediation is for monogamous or polyamorous couples; heterosexual or same-sex couples; married couples or those who are still dating. It does not take the place of counseling from a licensed mental health provider. It serves a different purpose in that it deals with specific problems, empowers people to find their own solutions, and develops problem solving skills for the future. And it enhances communication, allows a couple to rebuild trust, and provides a safe space to come up with solutions. With 39% of marriages in the US ending in divorce, and the average cost of separating around $15,000, seeing a couples mediator can be a great use of your time and money; allowing you to be proactive before things get worse.

Mediation is a cheaper and more collaborative process that can make difficult conversations easier. If you or someone you know is having problems in their relationship, contact Venn Mediation to learn more about Couples Mediation. We offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can walk you through the process and help you figure out whether it is right for you. We also mediate other situations couples may find difficult, including prenups for couples who are about to get married and divorces for those who are ending things. We are based in New York but are experts in online mediation and can work with people anywhere. We would love to help.

Contact Us To Get Started